"Suck the Gay Outta Me" Day!
Tonight, when you are finished performing oral sex on a young male prostitute in the front seat of your wife's station wagon and it's time for him to reciprocate, say to him, "Go on now. Suck the gay outta me."
Your young male prostitute will think this is very funny. He'll think you're different than most of the suburban closet cases who pick him up. He'll smile in a way that reminds you of your son. This will ruin things for you and before he can even bend forward and undo your pants, you'll toss a handful of twenties at him and shout, "I'm sorry. I'm wretched!" Then you'll reach past him to open his door and shove him out of the car before peeling away.
This won't have been the first of his dates tonight that ended that way, but it will alarm the young male prostitute that he actually allowed himself to be charmed by you before you proved to be no different than the next guy in a Volvo. "Gotta be tougher than that Curtis," he'll say to himself. His name's Curtis.
Happy "Suck the Gay Outta Me" Day!