Sunday, September 18, 2005

Lightning Splits Open The Tree In Your Front Yard Day

Lightning Splits Open The Tree In Your Front Yard Day!

Tonight, the electrical storm they've been predicting is going to send a bolt smack down the middle of that big Oak tree clouding over most of your yard. The trunk will split down the middle like it was to give birth. And give birth it will. It will bring forth the answer to a mystery that has befuddled your seaside town since before it was founded.

That mystery: Just where did the fearsome sea pirate Macdonald Blackflower bury his third wife? For it was said that to find her grave is to find his chest of jewels.

"Honey, come here," you'll shout to summon your wife to the window.

She'll look out the window and see in the split tree trunk a skeleton with a bejeweled dagger protruding from its throat sitting upon a pile of gold and silver pieces as if they were one chaotic toilet.

"Is that the third wife of Blackflower?" she'll ask.

You'll say, "That's my guess."

"Looks like we're rich," she'll say.

You and your wife will go out to gather the jewels, but when you each pick up your first piece from the pile, the third wife of MacDonald Blackflower's skeleton will come to life and slit both of your throats with the dagger that it will have yanked from its own neck. The rain will then come down in such torrents that the street will flood in minutes. Perfect to carry the ghostly black ship rising up from your front lawn back out to sea.

Had you read up on the town's history, you'd know that the third wife of MacDonald Blackflower has one or two long overdue scores she's been waiting to settle ever since her corpse was cast into the thick of an oak tree.

Happy Lightning Splits Open The Tree In Your Front Yard Day!