Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The Homeless Man Went To Her High School Day

The Homeless Man Went To Her High School Day!

Today, in the middle of your girlfriend's effort to break it off with you gently, a homeless man will push his way in between the two of you and ask you for change.

"I'm sorry no," you'll say with very little patience in your voice.

The homeless man will turn to your (soon-to-be-ex-) girlfriend and he'll open his mouth but he won't say anything. He'll look her in the eye, and then he'll make his way down the block at a pace that will probably be painful for him based on the way he was limping when he first approached.

"I don't think you've really given this a chance," you'll say to her, trying whatever you can to halt the axe in its fall. But she won't hear you. Her eyes will be following the homeless man down the block.

"Maura," you'll say. "Maura are you listening to me?"

"Ray!" she'll shout to the homeless man's back. But he'll keep walking at his hastened pace. "I swear to God that guy felt me up in the tenth grade," she'll say to you.

You'll look at the disheveled back of the man who will be just inches away from disappearing into a crowd. "My God," she'll say. Her voice will crack. "Ray!" she'll call to him again. This time she'll start to run a few steps to chase after him.

"Maura!" you'll shout. But she'll be watching Ray walk. And she'll be crying.

"My God!" she'll say. "What happened to him? What happened to him?" She'll ask you as if you had a hand in it. Her tears will be relentless. She'll move to run after him again.

"Maura wait," you'll say. If she won't let you change her mind she could at least finish reciting the speech she'd prepared.

"Godammit, what happened to him?" she'll cry. "It's over. I'm sorry, I have to talk to him."


But she'll be gone. And you'll be single again. You can call her later to see if maybe there's a loophole since she didn't get to finish you off. But there won't be. And please don't be upset about her not breaking up with you all the way. It's not often that she bumps into a homeless person that she once made out with on a high school Whale Watch trip, and she'll tend to drop everything whenever she does.

Happy The Homeless Man Went To Her High School Day!