Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Pizzaface Day

Pizzaface Day!

Today, you and your friends are going to drive Pizzaface out to the park under the guise that he has been invited to come out and party with you. When you get to the park, you'll all take a seat on a felled telephone pole and start drinking the warm beers that had been sitting in the back seat of Greg's car since last weekend. Everyone will pay way too much attention to Pizzaface and he'll do his best to try to be cool with all of the questions. Questions like: Hey Pizzaface, I heard you and that kid Marcus were buttboys. Is that true?, and Hey Pizzaface, homosezwut? He'll laugh it off, even though you're calling him Pizzaface still, which is what you always yell at him when you shouldercheck him into the lockers.

Eventually, Greg will take the first swing at Pizzaface. Then you will all drop your beers and pound on him. He'll die, even though you didn't mean to do anything more than beat him with the strength of seven young men. You'll all be national disgraces. TV commentators will chastise you for killing one of your peers just because he happened to have acne, and you'll reignite debate over violent video games. You'll all go to jail of course, except for one of you. Martin. His Dad's rich.

13 years from now when you're paroled, a reporter will ask you if it was worth it. Say, "No."

Happy Pizzaface Day!