Thursday, September 15, 2005

Fight City Hall Day

Fight City Hall Day!

All your life you were told that you can't fight City Hall, which is an inaccurate statement. You can fight city hall all you want. You just can't win.

Tonight you are going to fight City Hall in the playground behind the little league diamond. Bring your bicycle chain. City Hall is always packing a blade.

You're going to fight over City Hall's girlfriend. She's the prettiest girl in local government, and she's been hanging around you quite a bit. City Hall's girlfriend (her name is Public Advocate Patty) can tell you things she could never tell City Hall. She's said that she wished that things weren't so complicated. She often asks you, "Why couldn't you be an influential governing body instead of just being a low-income housing development that's about to be leveled to make way for a stadium?" In response, you stole a kiss.

So City Hall got jealous and challenged you to a fight tonight. Of course City Hall will win. But it will use a dirty trick (asbestos) and when you fall, Public Advocate Patty will run crying to your side. City Hall forgot the most important part of the fight. It's not who wins or loses, it's who the girl runs to when its over. Some girls will run to the winner and squeeze his big muscles. But those girls are assholes.

Most girls will, without fail, run to the one who falls (that's you, Eastside Towers). So City Hall can go home and try to be satisfied with the knowledge that it whooped your ass. It's gonna be a lot easier for you to be happy tonight when you're fucking City Hall's girlfriend. (Remember, you're a bunch of buildings!)

Happy Fight City Hall Day!