Saturday, September 17, 2005

Pass Out On Public Transportation Day

Pass Out On Public Transportation Day!

Whether it's from drinking, drugs, or just being exhausted because that fucking baby won't stop crying and you swear she's got it in for you, tonight you should fall asleep on public transportation. For the first few stops, do all you can to stay awake, just like you do at the movies. But before long, you should conk out and wake up only when the train pulls into the stop at the end of the line.

The end of the line will either be a train yard or a stop just like any other except a little more desolate. If it's just another stop, hop on the departing train across the platform and try not to miss your stop this time. If it's a train yard, you'll hear someone shouting for help and when you climb down into the dark jungle of trains, you'll discover that you were tricked and that a gang lured you down there to rob you and strip you nude because it's funny. Or, if you were riding on a magic train, when you get off at the last stop a lion will be waiting there for you and the lion will say to you, "Hop on. We're late as balls." And off you will gallop into the magical world of Happy Happy Trenton (the magical counterpart to Trenton, NJ).

Happy Pass Out On Public Transportation Day!