Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Marry For Money Day

Marry For Money Day!

Tonight, until 12 midnight, any wealthy person who enters a marriage with a poor person will receive a bonus award of $30,000 upon the death of the poorer spouse, guaranteed! This award will be on top of, and completely separate from, any inheritance that might be passed on upon the death of the poorer person, should the poorer person manage to turn things around for him or herself and amass any assets, which is of course highly unlikely (the poor just want to eat Oxycontin). This promotion has been established to encourage the wealthy to again allow themselves to be taken advantage of by succumbing to the charms of a poor person and devoting the whole of his or her fortune to that same poor person.

Before today, when faced with the possibility of marrying an impoverished American, many wealthy have asked, "What's in it for me?" With this promotion comes the answer: $30,000. The offer stands until 12 midnight tonight. It might be considered hasty to enter into a marriage within such a short timeframe, but allowing for more time will only allow for the families of the wealthy to have the poor husband or bride-to-be either deported or slaughtered. So get down to city hall and get on line.

Happy Marry For Money Day!