Rooting Through Your Son's Schoolbag Day!
You're going to find nothing but a wad of used condoms and a pistol with two shots remaining. He hasn't been doing his schoolwork.
"What happened to the other four shots?" ask him.
"I was just shooting cans," he'll say. "And some dirtpiles."
Lift his chin up so he's looking you in the eye. "Don't lie to me Tommy," say.
He'll start to cry. "It was a fair fight," he'll say. "A gunfight."
"Over a girl?" ask him. "Is that what all these condoms are about?"
He'll nod and wipe the snot from his nose. "I wanna marry her Mom. I'm gonna. But her ex-boyfriend, this jock jerkoff—"
"No swearing!" shout.
He'll say, "He came around. Telling her she was his. Telling me we had to fight like men. He said it at lunch, in front of the whole tenth grade. I couldn't back down."
Now it's you who'll wanna cry. For the fact that his father died before he could hear his son speak the words of so true and beautiful a man.
"I'll want to meet this girl," tell him. "She'll be setting with us for dinner. Tonight."
Your boy will sniffle. "Will you make your clams and spaghetti?"
Nod. Pull him into your arms.
"She can't wait to meet you," he'll say into your blouse. "I told her about your clams and spaghetti."
Say, "You go up and lay down." Then go into the kitchen and get to work.
Happy Rooting Through Your Son's Schoolbag Day!