Tuesday, November 01, 2005

You're The Dirtiest Day

You're The Dirtiest Day!

You and your younger brother have missed each other terribly ever since his company moved him to Portland. To make sure not to lose touch, you decided to engage in one of the contests you and he used to love to have when you were kids.

"No showering! Let's see who can go the longest!" you challenged.

"You're going down big brother," he giggled.

Today, your little brother is going to call and let you know that you've won. His new supervisor warned him that if he goes one more day without showering, he will be let go.

"Face!" you'll shout. "You are weak! Sad and weak!"

"I have a family," your brother will respond. "My daughter has a nervous condition. I need my insurance."

"I AM TRIUMPHANT!!!" you'll bellow into the phone. Then you'll carry the phone to the stereo and you'll hold it up to a speaker while a Smashmouth song blasts from it.

When you lift the phone back to your ear, you'll hear your little brother sobbing. Make fun of him. Grab the violin and start to play a sad dirge. The nice thing about not having showered for so long is that things like cell phones will stick to your ear without you having to hold on to them.

When you've fully relished your win, tell your brother in all sincerity that you miss him like you'd miss your own right arm and that you can't wait to see him at Christmas.

"I gotta go get cleaned up," say.

"Goodbye big brother," your brother will say.

"Goodbye little brother."

Now go into the bathroom and scrub at yourself with something made of wire. You're a little too late and you've developed a skin condition. See somebody.

Happy You're The Dirtiest Day!