Sunday, November 13, 2005

The Fishermen Day

The Fishermen Day!

Today, you and your Fisherman friends are going to catch twenty-six pounds of bass and one human child's skull. The skull will belong to Danny Bader, a boy who disappeared in the twenties when he stood up to bootleggers who used to use the Harmony bridge to bring their illegal booze across that lake.

Danny Bader became the face of the local effort towards prohibition. "I think the world is so much more beautiful now that my Daddy isn't drunk," it used to say above his face on posters asking people to rat out Rum-Runners. "Please help my Daddy stay a good Daddy while I'm still alive," it said. "Did I mention I have cancer?" it added.

The story has it that Danny Bader wasn't happy with just being a face on a poster. When he saw that the alcohol in the city wasn't going away, he decided it was time to try to stop it at the source. He went to the bridge one night, alone, confident that if he just stood in front of the trucks they would have to stop. Because the drivers would not be able to plow right over a sick little boy that all the city knew and loved. He was never seen again.

Take the skull to the police, in the interest of perhaps finally settling the mystery surrounding Danny's disappearance once and for all, and maybe even charging those responsible for his death, if they are still alive. The police will conduct some tests and declare that the drivers didn't even see Danny, and plowed right over him. They stopped when they felt the bump of little boy under their tires. They tossed him into the lake, then excitedly kept driving into the city knowing that the movement to shut them down had lost its cancer-ridden spokesboy. The mystery will be solved with the declaration that the pitiable face of prohibition died in a kind of pathetic and pointless accident.

Ask the police how they can tell all of that just from the look of a decades-old skull. The police will say, "DNA!" Let that satisfy you and go eat some bass.

Happy The Fishermen Day!