The Face Of Funk Day!
Today, yours is the Face of Funk. When they last met in Ontario, Canada in June of 2005, it was decreed by the Congress of Funk that today the Face of Funk would be that of a white, mustachioed male, with the beginnings of a double chin, and with one strange growth near the left ear that looks like two and a half warts but is just some fatty deposits. The growth, the Congress of Funk decided, should be the sort of growth that is not noticeable in the individual's day-to-day activities, but is usually discovered by lovers after approximately three intimate visitations, while the individual is sleeping and the lover is still awake because he or she can't sleep in strange beds for the first few nights of intimate visitations. The lover will usually stare at the growth, fearing cancer, or worse, warts, and will maybe touch the growth just barely so as not to wake up the individual. And the lover will wonder if she can do better then the bearer of today's Face of Funk.
Today is the first day in your life when keeping that mustache has proven to be a good idea, because as the bearer of the Face of Funk, you will be given a 2006 season pass to any Six Flags park in the country. Now if you'll excuse us, we have to get to a funeral. A Congresswoman of Funk OD'd on freebase last week. Very sad.
Happy The Face Of Funk Day!