Pretend You Know Where There Are Some Drugs Day!
All your life you've been passed over, butted in front of, and held down to be peed on by people who knew where there were some drugs. The guy who knows where there are some drugs always gets the special treatment because everyone in the world needs drugs, even people who don't do them. Some people need drugs because they're in love with somebody who won't love anyone back unless they have drugs in their pockets. Other people need drugs because their daughters are addicted to drugs and will run to the city to be prostitutes if their fathers don't come home every night with their pockets full of drugs. But then there is the vast majority of people who need drugs because every time they open their eyes they see nothing but ugliness, and nothing is ever uglier than when they look in the mirror.
You've never known where there are drugs, but you don't really have to know for real in order to get people to pay attention to you. Generally, the guy who knows where there are some drugs reveals that fact when he first shows up to places in order to be given complimentary appetizers. But he never bothers to take anyone to where the drugs are until two or three AM, when it's clear who he is and is not going to have sex with later. By that time, most of the people who wanted to go to the drugs have either disappeared or are out back fighting with knives.
Often, the guy who knows where there are some drugs never even tells anybody where they are. But no one bothers him about it because they're afraid he won't take them with him if he decides to go to the drugs. It's pretty easy to fake if you can be convincing about it. In order to trick everyone into thinking you know where there are some drugs, just wear nothing but clothing made out of human baby skin, and replace one of your real eyes with a solid black glass one. You can bet that tonight you won't have to wait two hours for the DJ to pick your name at karaoke, Drug-face!
Happy Pretend You Know Where There Are Some Drugs Day!