Steal From The Shivering Sick Kids Day!
You are an accountant for a network of shelters servicing homeless children who have Leukemia and only one arm. You've given so much of your time to that charity that those shivering sick kids are the only friends you have. It's time to steal from them so that you can buy some real friends.
You're going to have to buy your friends because even the shivering sick kids would say that they wouldn't be friends with you if they were healthy and could walk away from you in mid-conversation. And you've been hanging around with them so much that you don't know how to make conversation with the healthy. What do you say to someone if they aren't screaming in pain and constantly trying to grab stuff with an arm they keep forgetting isn't there anymore? Even if you did have the time to go out to bars and make friends with strange people, how do you reach out to someone who can hold down solids?
If you want some healthy friends who aren't one-armed children, you're going to have to steal from the charity and buy an Xbox for everyone that you'd like to be your friend. If they start to get bored with your friendship after a while, which they will, buy them some games. When they grow weary of the games, buy your friends some ski weekends away with you. Eventually the charity will catch on to the embezzlement and you'll be arrested, but by then you'll have more than enough close and supportive friends to initiate a letter-writing campaign demanding your release.
See? It's fool-proof!
Happy Steal From The Shivering Sick Kids Day!
