Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Assassinate The President Of Your Block Association's Christmas Decorating Committee Day

Assassinate The President Of Your Block Association's Christmas Decorating Committee Day!

Block Association Christmas Decorating Committee President Susannah Carmine has held her post for seven consecutive terms. But the shame she has forced you and your neighbors to shoulder will be remembered for generations. Every year it's the same thing. Paper bag lanterns on the sidewalk, white lights in the trees, and at the end of the block Santa and his sleigh coming in for a landing with an elf holding air traffic controller glow sticks directing them.

She has no taste for candy canes. Frosty is not on her radar. And her administration can't even get it together to coordinate a series of front door wreathes.

She has to go. Her second in command, Barbara Talbot, is silent at meetings. But at the Ghosins' 4th of July barbecue Talbot it made it very clear she is unhappy with the direction the block's winter display has taken these past seven years. Knock Carmine off the throne and Talbot will do what needs to be done. But it has to happen tonight.

Mr. Carmine will be picking up their son Jake from Lacrosse practice this evening, leaving Susannah at home alone from 5:20 until 6:15. Make it look like an accident (you can use an assault rifle, but leave some banana peels on the floor so that it looks like after she got shot, she slipped and fell). Tomorrow, after some brief mourning, everyone will agree that Susannah would have wanted you to continue with preparations for the winter display. And with that your block will be on its way to decorating for the best Christmas ever.

Happy Assassinate The President Of Your Block Association's Christmas Decorating Committee Day!