Saturday, October 01, 2005

You Won A Motorcycle Day

You Won A Motorcycle Day!

You won’t need to waste time hanging out with your wife and your brother anymore (he’s unemployed and had to give up his place). You won a motorcycle!

After dinner (dinner sucks!) hit the open highway. Wear white, because you want to be seen at night. And make sure to blow your whistle when you go through intersections. Repeat nightly.

A month from now, your wife is going to come out to the driveway while you’re working on your motorcycle and she’s going to speak to you for the first time in a month.

“What’s with all this motorcycle shit?” she’ll ask. Tell her that she can’t cage you in anymore. Nobody can.

“What if I did this?” She’ll spit on the motorcycle seat.

Wipe her spit from the leather and then say, “We’re through.”

“Where you gonna get the money to pay my alimony?” she’ll shout at your back. You’ll be walking to the garage to wax your helmet. She’s not gonna break your routine. “And what about your brother? I’m tellin’ you, if you leave me alone with him I’ll kill him tonight. You know I wanna!”

Your brother will hear that and he’ll take off out the back door and over the fence, so no worries.

Turn to her and say, “I’ll have your money. The bike will show me the way.”

She’ll go marching back into the house to break your things. When you’re finished waxing your helmet, go for a ride. Tonight, die by jumping your bike through the belly of a gasoline truck.

Happy You Won A Motorcycle Day!