Sunday, October 16, 2005

Rescue Some Kids From Something Day

Rescue Some Kids From Something Day!

Today is the day to get those kids the hell outta there, wherever "there" may be. The kids you choose to rescue will more than likely be determined by which kids happen to be enduring the sort of hell you were forced to suffer through when you were but a wee one. Not everyone has been fucked by an uncle or an uncle's friend or even an uncle's group of friends, so not everyone is gonna rush right out and try to save some kids who are getting fucked by their uncles or members of their uncles' social circles.

You can go as lowkey as rushing out to the local Chuck E Cheese to rescue some kids from a particularly lame birthday party. Or if they don't want to leave the birthday party, maybe a kid still needs to be rescued from a really boring conversation about Magic The Gathering with the kid who smells like a laundry hamper. Just swoop in and shout, "Dum de DUUUUM!" or whatever your rescue theme might be, then pretend to be the kid's dad and say that it's time for the kid to wash his face. If the kid who smells like laundry keeps watching you and the kid you rescued, lick your thumb and rub the kid's face clean with your saliva. That's what Dads do. The kid you rescued might start to cry because you're not his Dad, but you can trust that he's grateful for the rescue.

Who's kidding who? The only kids anyone's gonna rescue are the kids who are getting fucked. Get your cape on, time is money.

Happy Rescue Some Kids From Something Day!