Thursday, October 06, 2005

Raise A Wild Animal In Your One-Bedroom Apartment Day

Raise A Wild Animal In Your One-Bedroom Apartment Day!

You're not happy. You know who was happy? That's right, the guy who kept a tiger in his apartment as a pet. You know why he was happy? There was a wild animal in his house.

They took the tiger away and he had to pay a fine or something, but if you ask him now he'd tell you he'd pay a million fines if they'd just give him his tiger back. Then he'd lean in real close and tell you that he has a line on a four-month old Puma. His smile will be radiant with excitement.

You've tried everything from anti-depressants to accepting the unconditional love of your tween-aged daughter, but nothing seems capable of making that black cloud go away. Are you content to live out the rest of your days exerting the extent of your will just to get out of bed and put on your slippers every morning? Or are you ready to try some less traditional remedies for unhappiness?

Raising a wild animal as a housepet in a confined space is guaranteed to yield happiness to the pet owner because wild animals look funny sitting on couches or eating out of bowls that say "Mr. Piddles" on the side. Also, anyone who tries to break into the pet owner's home and steal his stuff is guaranteed to be disemboweled. Also, no mice!

All you need is a one-bedroom apartment and $85,000 and you can have an almost domesticated wild animal napping on the edge of your bed by Thanksgiving. If you don't have $85,000, find it.

Happy Raise A Wild Animal In Your One-Bedroom Apartment Day!