Thursday, October 27, 2005

You Just Stole A Truck Full Of Cigarettes Day

You Just Stole A Truck Full Of Cigarettes Day!

You're shrugging your shoulders as if to say, "Now what?!"

First thing you're gonna have to do is find a fence to move the goods. There's a fence outside of Miami named Corky (not retarded) Colon. He can move anything from dolls full of cocaine to assault rifles full of cocaine. He's also very handsome and you're going to sleep with him. He'll pay you three grand and you'll head back up North, but you won't even make it to Georgia before you notice something you haven't felt in quite a while.


The memory of Corky's touch will be with you there in the car (Corky gave you a car to get back up North. It's full of Cocaine). You won't be able to get very far before you pull over into the parking lot of a Denny's and make a phone call.

"I was hoping…" Corky will say.

"Can I come back."

"Let my assistant, Joanie (not retarded) Masso meet you there. She'll drive the car the rest of the way and you'll drive her car back to me. The car you are driving is full of cocaine and if it does not arrive in New York tomorrow there will be a civil war in Colombia by the end of the week."

"I'll wait for Joanie," say. "Tell her not to obey any speed limits."

"I never thought I could feel this way again," Corky will say. "I thought I existed just to move things that are full of cocaine and the occasional truck full of cigarettes. Now I know I exist to hold you in my arms."

"Send Joanie," say. Then hang up and moon about the parking lot like a farting puppy you're so in love.

Happy You Just Stole A Truck Full Of Cigarettes Day!