Because you're a shopaholic, tonight you're going to rifle through your son's desk drawers looking for coupons.
Your son will wake up bleary-eyed, spot you scrabbling about amongst the contents of his desk strewn across the carpet, and he'll say, "Daddy, why can't you just love us?"
Say, "I will. Right after I hit triple coupon day at the Sav-On."
Your son will roll his eyes comically and say, "Promises, promises!"
That's when you should slap your son in the mouth and accuse him of hiding his coupons so that he can keep them all for himself. Then apologize, fall on the floor, and start crying.
"I'm weak, boy," say.
Your son will start shouting "Cry-Baby" like Richard Dreyfuss' son did in Close Encounters. Except, since your son is seventeen, he'll also kick your ass. He'll beat you as hard as you used to dream of beating on your own father. He'll even pull a boot onto one foot just so that he can kick you in the teeth with it.
Happy Shopaholic Day!