Monday, October 17, 2005

Take The Perfect Picture Of Your Girlfriend On The Day She Dies Day

Take The Perfect Picture Of Your Girlfriend On The Day She Dies Day!

Today, in the park, when the wind sends the leaves flying in a swarm of red and brown, take a picture of your girlfriend smiling with pink cheeks. This picture will come to define the next few years of your life for several reasons.

First, at that moment, in the way she is smiling at you, it will be clear that your girlfriend has never loved you more. And she never will love you more because…

Second, your girlfriend is going to die tonight of a blood disease linked to a chemical contained in paints sold by a particular manufacturer of paint, HGT Paints, between the years 1968 and 1977. It is only recently that some universities have begun studies of this chemical and its effects on children who grew up in homes where paint containing this chemical was used. HGT is presently doing all they can to keep the findings from these studies out of the press. Which brings us to…

Third. In the background of your photo, a director of corporate security at HGT will be seen handing a manila envelope to a Department of Health and Human Services administrator. You won't recognize either of them, and a few weeks from now you will wonder why your page was disabled. Flickr will send you an automated message telling you that your account has been shut down because Flickr reserves the right to disable the accounts of those users who have the power to bring to light webs of corruption that involve the highest levels of government and the most powerful of multi-national conglomerates with a single chance photograph of a pretty dead girlfriend. Soon after, you'll come home from a day of wandering around in mourning to find that your apartment has been ransacked. The whole game won't become clear to you until you go on the run for your life. Once you learn that the people who are after you are the same people who are responsible for the death of the love of your life, you turn the tables and use that photo like the atom bomb that it is.

One day many months from now, that photo you're going to take today of your girlfriend on her last day alive will appear on the cover of every magazine and newspaper in the country. Though her death will have been avenged and the company that made her sick will have been destroyed, you'll be sad that her photo is appearing in all of those newspapers and magazines but no one is writing about how pretty she is and how sad it is that she died.

Happy Take The Perfect Picture Of Your Girlfriend On The Day She Dies Day!