Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Now You Don't Have A Date For The Dance Day

Now You Don't Have A Date For The Dance Day!

David is a killer in prison. He put a profile up on a website for men in prison looking for women to marry them either while they are in prison or when they get out. Since none of the boys in school have asked you to the upcoming Harvest Hop, and since, according to his profile, David's release date falls on that very weekend, you decided to establish a correspondence with him. You've done everything right, promising him that you are 21 years old with a gigantic ass (his profile demanded serious inquiries only). He proposed several letters ago, and you said yes. Then you told him that now that you and he are engaged, he has to take you to the Harvest Hop on the weekend that he gets out of jail. He of course asked why you are still in high school and you told him that you flunked and that you're totally 21. David said he doesn't want to go to a high school dance. When you pressured him, he reminded you that he's killed before and will kill again. Then he demanded that you steal money from your Dad and send it to him so that he can pay the Muslims not to kill him for another week.

As you seal the letter with all of your Dad's money in it today, you'll start to cry. You'll try to keep the tears from staining the envelope. You don't want David to have to worry about you while he's locked up and unable to give you comfort. But you can't help but feel distraught that another dance is going to come and go and you're not going to be able to go. Sometimes you wonder whether you rushed into things with David. You're only fifteen, after all. Isn't there more than enough time to lie to an incarcerated killer about your age and your ass size in order to get him to propose to you? Slow down, kiddo.

Happy Now You Don't Have A Date For The Dance Day!