The Lovesong Dedicated To No One Day!
When The Heart Inside Your Ribs turned into one of the biggest hit love songs in the history of Pop music, the press couldn't get enough of singer/songwriter Marty Stabs. Every interview included the question, "Who's the song about?"
After keeping silent for over a year, Marty finally told US News & World Report, "It's about a girl named Gina. She died in a swimming accident seven years ago. She gave me ten of the most wonderful months of my life before her passing. So I wrote her this song."
Immediately after the announcement, his sales jumped near as high as the numbers he charted when the record first dropped. His record company commended him. "Brilliant of you to keep the identity of the song's inspiration a secret for so long. The speculation kept the enchantment alive," said Ghostface Records executive John LeQuee. "You may think I'm only talking about advertising. But I'm talking about enchantment. Those people out there play your records for one reason. You enchant them. In my mind, a singer who can't enchant them should never have been put to wax. This wasn't a ploy. This was an ever heightening enchantment and it was a damn good idea."
But it wasn't to increase his sales that Marty kept the inspiration of the song a secret. It's because there was nothing to keep secret about. There was never any girl named Gina who drowned. There was never any girl, period. At least none that were worth writing a song about.
Marty heard the question a million times and each time he wanted to shout that as his answer. "It's about no one and nothing. I've never loved anyone in a way that could inspire such revelry. Probably never will. My parents were ghosts around each other and I think it's rubbed off on me. I don't know why I write so many love songs when I'm apparently incapable of either giving my love or accepting the love of another. Mine is a joyless and undisturbed life. Every word I sing is horseshit."
Marty instead chose to concoct the girl named Gina who's at the bottom of an ocean somewhere. The press went looking through his past and they made accusations that the story was false but nothing ever stuck. Marty continued to make millions and he'd managed to silence the question forever.
Over the past few years, Marty's mind has grown week and he has begun to believe his lie. He now spends his life inside his mansion, mourning this lost love who he might have been able to rescue had he not been fetching more scotch from the belly of that fictional boat. In his madness, he has been given the ability to believe that he did, in fact, love once.
Today he is going to announce in the city's paper that he is accepting applications to be crew on his undersea expedition to recover the remains of Gina's body. You should apply. The expedition will last until Marty runs out of money, and certainly no one needs you up here on the surface. Get on board. After a few months in close quarters, Marty will see in you shadows of the man he once was. And he'll adopt you as his son, leaving you his millions when he dies. Congratulations because you're going to be rich.
Happy The Lovesong Dedicated To No One Day!