Monday, April 09, 2012

You Fuck Food Day!

You fuck food on camera and upload it to the internet. You fuck a different food every day, and you’ve been doing it for 18 months now. The idea came to you in your third month of collecting unemployment after getting laid off from your job as an investment banker. “I’ve gotta start giving back,” you thought as you stared at your morning oatmeal. “What is it that I love more than anything, and how can I make money by sharing that love with others?” The answer was food, and since you don’t know how to cook and even if you did restaurants are a very risky investment, you decided the next obvious solution was to video record yourself fucking food and uploading it so that people who enjoy watching food get fucked lovingly can share the moment with you. Since that first video when you sloshed your cock in and out of a bowl of oatmeal, you’ve fucked hundreds of different kinds of food, from salmon to eggplant parmigiana to Mattar Paneer. This week is Cajun Week. Yesterday you fucked a bowl of gumbo. Today you’re going to fuck a plate of Étouffée. Tomorrow you’re going to stick your dick in between a bunch of crawdads. Your videos average 83 views per, but that number is dropping.

Happy You Fuck Food Day!