You check Craigslist every morning for “curb alerts” of couches people are abandoning if anyone wants to pick it up, then you race to the couch and spraypaint a confession onto its cushions. It’s kind of mean to anyone who might need or who could use the couch, but you don’t care. Everyone has that thing they’ve decided they need to do in order to keep bother to not open their wrists, this one’s yours.
Today you’re going to find a Crate and Barrel sectional on the corner of 6th and Pine. Sectionals give you the space to really unload. In red paint you’re going to spraypaint onto it, “Lied about where I was on 9/11 three times. Once said I was in the lobby of Tower 1 but got a bad feeling and decided to turn around. Another time said I was in France and all the waiters at a cafe started holding me and crying. Third time said I was in the airport arguing with a ticketing agent that she had to get me a seat on United 93, but the agent refused. Really, I was asleep in California.”
Happy Spraypaint A Couch Day!
