Tuesday, April 17, 2012

You And Your Mom Are Dating Again Day!

No you’re not dating each other, thank goodness. It just so happens that at age 29 you just got divorced from your wife of 3 years, and your mom at age 55 just got divorced from your dad (he’s in Europe with the new wife). So you and your mom are hitting the dating scene at the exact same moment. Neither of you feels like you have any skill at this kind of thing, so tonight you’re going to use the novelty of a mother and a son going to a singles bar together to see what kind of ass you can reel in.

The women who approach you will be especially mannered in an effort to win approval from your mother. The men who approach your mother will make a point of rubbing your head and calling you sport to try to appear as a potential father figure to you. One man named Steve will offer to buy you a moped.

At the end of the night you’ll go home to your apartment with a girl named Shannon, and your mother will go home to her house with Steve.

The next day you and your mom will call each other to compare notes. She’ll say she enjoyed Steve but all he seemed to do was talk about you and about how he had a son who died drunk driving on prom night who looked like you. You’ll laugh because Shannon couldn’t stop talking about how great it is that you’re so close to your mom, since hers ran off when she was six.

You and your mom agree to throw away your respective partners’ phone numbers and hit a different bar tonight so your mom can help you reel in all that puss in need of someone maternal in their lives, and you can help score your mom some of that “always wanted a son” dick.

Happy You And Your Mom Are Dating Again Day!