Today you’re Esther and your ex-boyfriend has kidnapped your current boyfriend, threatening to kill him if you don’t break up with him.
“I’m sorry Steve,” tell your current boyfriend over the phone. Your ex is holding it up to his ear. “I like you too much to ever break up with you.”
Steve will beg you to break up with him. Tell him the feelings you have for him are too strong to disavow them just because some shitty ex-boyfriend is threatening his life.
“But my feelings aren’t that strong for you!” he’ll shout into the phone. “Please!”
Explain that it’s natural for one party of a relationship to be more deeply in love than the other.
“Oh my God I said the L-word!” say. “Wow. Guess I really feel it.”
Steve will beg you one last time to break up with him. Tell him it’s okay because your love will live on beyond this world. Then you’ll hear the gunshot.
Now mourn Steve. If you date anyone else, try not to let your ex know about it.
Happy Steve And Esther Day!