Saturday, April 14, 2012

Ricky Rocket The Fireworks Guy Day!

You’re Ricky Rocket The Fireworks Guy and you just lost your left foot. So that makes it your entire right hand, three fingers off your left hand, a chunk out of your right calf and two of your right toes, an ear, one nipple, a melted-closed nostril, the hair on the front of your scalp, and now your left foot.

It’s time to start replacing your body parts with fireworks so you can become an evil villain who wants to exact revenge on the people for enjoying the explosive entertainment you provided without caring in the slightest about how it was eating away at you piece by piece.

Implant roman candle and bottle rocket launchers into the sockets where your fingers and toes used to be. You should replace your foot with the “Grand Ole Flag Finale Blaster,” a rocket launcher that shoots an unholy hell fire of patriotic explosives ideal for the big finish of any fireworks display. Your other gashes can be used as storage for firecrackers, smoke bombs, and maybe a few snakes.

It’s time to show the kids what happens when you play with fireworks. This 4th of July, it’s time for the big finale.

Happy Ricky Rocket The Fireworks Guy Day!