Today is the grand opening of the Panda Express Express, the new no-frills branch of Panda Express where you can get your delicious Panda Express food without all the fancy hoopla. You’ve been saving for years to get the money to open this franchise and now the big day has finally come and you want everything to go perfectly. At the ribbon cutting, the panda you rented will lose control and open your throat and you’ll die. Corporate will take over your branch and turn it into just a regular Panda Express. Your dream will wash away with the mop-water used to sop up all your blood.
Happy Death At Panda Express Express Day!