Toy Soldiers Day!
Your son is a latchkey kid. I know you don't like to hear it said but saying it is saying the truth and there ain't nothing wrong with saying the truth is there? You don't like to hear it because when you were growing up it was the latchkey kids who were always running around behind houses breaking windows and watching stray cats give birth. You never wanted that for your son. You expected to be there for him when he got home from school, making him cookies, helping him with his homework, keeping him from joining a circle of boys around a neighborhood girl who's willing to pull down her pants and underwear. But your husband ran off and you needed to take on another job. In other words, you failed him. Once again, the truth is the truth and the truth is you're a failure.
Anyway, tonight when you get home you'll find your best frying pan covered in an oddly shaped splotch of green plastic. Today your son melted all his toy soldiers in a pan. Then he killed his hamster when he slammed it shut inside a bible.
Happy Toy Soldiers Day!
