Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Bail Your Best Buddy Out Of Jail Day

Bail Your Best Buddy Out Of Jail Day!

"Promise Jenny's my girlfriend now?" you should say through the bars. The policemen of course allowed you go to the jail cell and talk to your best friend Mikey before you decide to bail him out. They warned you that the other prisoners will throw their semen at you as you pass their cells.

Mikey will say, "If Jenny wants you and not me there's nothing I can do about that is there?"

Get up from your chair. "Not good enough."

"Well what do you want me to say?" Mikey will ask. "I'll say whatever you want if you get me out of here. These guys already beat the crap out of me. My head's bleeding see?" He'll point to the matted blood caking the back of his head, then you'll look to the terrifying men sitting on the floor against the rear wall of the cell. They won't take their eyes off of you and Mikey, and you'll know that as soon as you're gone and there's no chance of the guards coming back for a bit they're really going to do a number on Mikey, especially now that he just bitched.

"I know you're scared of dying Mikey," say. "But you should have thought of that before you burst into Jenny's house and found us making love. You were out of control."

"I'm sorry," Mikey will say. "You're my best friend and she's my girlfriend. I got jealous."

"That's not the kind of talk that's gonna get you out of here Mikey," say.

"Fine," Mikey will say. "Jenny's your girlfriend now."

"And you'll make sure of that?" ask him.

"How?" he'll say.

"Threaten her or something. Tell her that if she ever sees anyone but me you'll hurt her and her family. I've been waiting a long time for this Mikey, ever since you started seeing her really. But we're starting out as an infidelity, which puts our relationship on really shakey ground," say. Now lean in real close to the bars. "I need your help pal."

Mikey will say, "Fine. I'll let her know that she has to keep seeing you or she'll enter a world of hurt that she never could have imagined."

Reach through the bars for a handshake. Say, "Sounds like someone just made bail!" Then grab your handkerchief to wipe away the semen that someone just splattered across the bridge of your nose. When you get home to Jenny, tell her about your agreement with Mikey, and how she's on thin ice.

Happy Bail Your Best Buddy Out Of Jail Day!