Thursday, March 24, 2005

How To Kill Bees Day

How To Kill Bees Day!

Bees are very scary animals, perhaps the scariest in all of the outdoors. Today, you're going to learn how to kill them. You're going to learn from a 70 year old man who lives in a shack under a tree in the woods.

"I've survived out here 70 years. Never been stung once," he'll tell you.

"Never?" you'll ask.

"Not since last May," he'll say. Then he'll show you how to fling a hammer at a small target.

"Should I only use your methods in self-defense?" you'll ask, confusing bee killing with the ancient Asian martial art, Karate.

"This isn't Karate," the old man will say. "I'd recommend you kill every bee you see. The fewer the better."

Just then a bee will land on your face.

"Hold still," the old man will say. Then he'll fling a hammer at your face.

The bee will sting you and fall to the ground and die. You'll bleed profusely from the hole in your face. The old man will look from you to the dead bee and he'll wonder whether he can count this in his kill column. Everything will go black.

Happy How To Kill Bees Day!