Monday, March 21, 2005

Cruising Altitude Day

Cruising Altitude Day!

Your father was a gay flight attendant, and all of his greatest loves were found in the air. He met your mother (and by extension, you) on a New York to London redeye, more than enough time for her to explain the contractual obligations of providing her with his sperm, and for him to agree only on the condition that he be granted visiting rights and an opportunity to apply for joint custody. And he met Carl, his true love, on both trips of a Vegas hop. He fell in love with Carl on the flight in, but promised himself that unless he saw Carl, happy with winnings, on the return flight, he wouldn't make a move. Nothing guarantees a heartbreak like a gambler on a losing streak with something to prove.

As it turned out, your father saw Carl, happy as can be but about 1400 dollars in the hole on the flight back. "I'm smiling," he said, "Because even with my empty pockets, when I saw it was you pushing the drink cart down the aisle I thought to myself...Jackpot." Your father couldn't resist. And they never looked back.

And today you're taking off for Los Angeles with the same fantasy that runs through your head on every flight you take without your wife. "Please just let me meet someone I love enough to leave my wife for." On this flight, you're not going to find that person. You will meet an adorable woman named Marci who you would love just fine if you were single, but you don't love her enough to end a marriage for. Maybe next trip. You've got the miles.

Happy Cruising Altitude Day!