Sunday, May 04, 2003

Mount Saint Helen's Day!

Hey you. Wanna learn how to pick up chicks? Ever been to Mount Saint Helen's? No? Well get on a plane!

If you feel like the town you live in is bone-dry when it comes to fresh, bumpable honeys who don't already know that your wife ran off because you're queer but won't admit it, you gotta get yourself to Mount Saint Helen's. Located in America, Mount Saint Helen's is a volcano and it's crawling with babes in jeans looking for a little eruption in their daily same-old same-old, if you get my drift (they wanna get fucked). These hotties might not be your average nightclub specimen, but they sure do like to watch the lava flow, if you know what I'm saying (they dig cum). And if you can follow two simple rules, you'll have yourself a tourbus-full on each arm before they can think twice.

First, act like you're scared that the volcano will erupt and you're all gonna die. When a specimen tries to comfort you by saying "No it won't," tell her you've always felt you can converse with fire and on the drive up to the volcano, you heard fire talking shit.

Second, count money in front of her. Stuff your money clip full of singles so it looks like you have a big wad. If you show a hot babe money, she'll do whatever she can to get her mitts on it. Even kill.

Once they start lining up and you've taken your pick, start drinking a lot so you won't be grossed out at having to screw something other than a dude again.

Happy Mount Saint Helen's Day!