Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Car Wash Girlfriend Day!

Your girlfriend has a great body: large, pretty breasts, long legs with big round thighs and a fantastic ass. Congratulations. This is the good news.

The bad news is she also has a great big heart. And she's constantly being asked to wear a bikini and drench herself in soapy water at charity car washes.

"But Saturday's my only day off," you plead with her.

"I'm sorry baby," she says. "I love you, but how can I make myself happy when I know that all I have to do is seemingly unknowingly massage my soapy wet breasts in the middle of a high school parking lot and I'll have helped a child in a wheelchair get medicine?"

"But you give so much of your beautiful body to people in need," you say. "I want to fuck it."

"Oh sweetie," she says. "God gave me this body for a reason. He wouldn't have given me such a wonderful ass if he didn't want me to climb atop the hood of a father of four's Celica and press my bethonged cheeks against the windshield, apparently attempting to wash the glass clean with the meat of my buttocks, which is of course not very practical, but it does put food in the mouth of a baby born addicted to crack."

"I'm going to have to break up with you," you'll say, today. "I might not find someone as hot as you to screw for quite a while. But at least I'll find someone who thinks I'm more important than a fucking famine victim."

"But after the summer, when it gets cold again, I'll be all yours," she'll say.

Stand firm. "I'm sorry sweetheart. You're way hot, but I need a girl who doesn't care about anyone or anything but me."

You know what has to be done. Sometimes, you have to break up with a smoking body in order to get on the turnpike to a better you.

Happy Car Wash Girlfriend Day!