Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Check In On Your Roommate Day!

Lonely? Your roommate's Dad died a year and a half ago. Why not check in to see how he/she's doing with it. Just knock on the door and if your roommate asks "What do you want?" without opening up, just shout the following so you can be heard through the closed door:

"I know this is probably weird, but I was thinking about how your Dad died a year or so ago and I remembered that I never lent you any support when that happened. So I want you to know that if you ever wanna talk, like right now, if you wanna talk about anything at all, I'm not doing anything tonight."

Your roommate will probably just brush you off with a "Yeah, thanks." So you should make up something exciting to say, like, "You know, my Mom's dying." Your roommate will then open up the door and hug you. You'll be expected to say why your mom is dying, but if you can't come up with anything, just say "She's a cop and she was first through the door on a bust and she wasn't wearing her vest." Then start screaming at the sky, "Why didn't you wear your fuckin' vest Ma? I always knew that cowboy shit'd get you killed!!!"

I know it seems like you'll end up just talking all about this fake dying Police-mom story, but you don't have to. All you need to say is, "I really don't wanna talk about it anymore. If I don't take my mind off of this shit I'm gonna go nuts." Then you can talk about dating or the new recycling rules for the building and bye bye loneliness!

Happy Check In On Your Roommate Day!