Friday, March 31, 2006

Pinky Needs Two Stamps Day!

The letter with your pinky inside is going to be returned to you today for insufficient postage. Apparently, a pinky weighs more than an ounce. You'll be happy to discover that the envelope will be clean and free of blood. The sealed plastic bag in which you wrapped the pinky did the trick. Except for the odor. It will smell terrible. And when you squeeze the envelope, it will be difficult to locate any bone. Just a lot of mush.

You'll have to send it back out right away though. Just include a note that says, "This is my left pinky." And send it Fed Ex. Otherwise your old elementary school homeroom teacher will receive your fingers out of order, and the whole thing will look sloppy. This morning, he received your letter that read, "When I was your pupil, your words tore me apart. I thought you might like to have the pieces." So he's gotta receive the pinky tomorrow. Otherwise there'll be a wait between getting the letter and then getting your marriage finger, and he might misinterpret the whole thing as you saying you're a swinging single or something. Send it priority overnight and check the box for Saturday delivery or you might as well just throw your body pieces into the gutter.

Happy Pinky Needs Two Stamps Day!