Tonight's your big date with a superhot soap star. He's dashing, he's effeminately handsome, and he's a terrible actor. He's not going to like you though, because he was hoping for someone who isn't too caught up in soaps. He's sick of soaps and he wants to meet one of the "real people" on the other side of the TV. He'll know you're wrong for him by the way you refuse to drink anything at the table. When he asks why you won't even drink the water, you'll tell him that it's just a simple precaution considering how many times he's been poisoned.
"You think the soap opera is real, don't you?" he'll say.
"I know they embellish somewhat," you'll tell him.
He'll just stare at you, then he'll say he has to go to the bathroom and he'll bring his coat with him. When he doesn't come back, you'll assume he was kidnapped by a rival oil company.
Happy Soap Star Day!