Your office cleaning lady's appendix burst and she went into the hospital for about ten days. When the news hit the floor, a "Get Well" card was passed around for everyone to sign. Unfortunately, you had called in sick that day so you never heard anything about any card.
At 3:00 today you're going to find the cleaning lady standing behind you. She's going to thank you for the card, and you're going to assume she's confusing you with someone on the floor who has a name that is similar to yours. She'll explain that she's referring to the card that everyone signed. Your face will go blank for a moment, than you'll try to save the situation and you'll say, "Don't mention it."
The cleaning lady will go and take another look at the card and when she discovers that your signature is not on it, she'll run back to your desk crying and calling you a liar who doesn't care about the little people. Everyone else on the floor will listen in and word will quickly spread that you did not bother to sign the cleaning lady's "Get Well" card but that you took credit for it anyway.
You'll try to explain to whomever will listen that you would have been happy to sign the card, had you been in the office that day. You'll send around an office-wide memo explaining that you only pretended to have signed the card because you didn't want to create an awkward situation by telling her you never signed the card. No one will pay heed to your explanations, so you'll have to pay someone to kidnap the cleaning lady's daughter so that you can pretend to rescue her and return to your workspace a hero. You must win their hearts and minds.
Happy The Cleaning Lady's Get Well Card Day!