It's pretty clear by now that the only way you're ever going to get your hands on more than forty bucks at a time is if someone wills that money into your hands. That's why today you have to get yourself written into somebody's will. The best way to go about this is hang around a park and be the only one who'll listen to a well-dressed old man's boring stories about when he was stationed in Korea. You have to show up and listen to him on a regular basis in order to trick him into thinking that even though you're penniless and you smell terrible, you're the son he wishes he had instead of that never-visiting, never-calling captain of industry with his house on a hill someplace. Make sure he's well-dressed though. You don't want to get written into the will of some guy who has nothing to pass down through the generations but an oscillating fan and an empty birdcage. Keep your eye out for golden-handled walking sticks. Or if he has trouble buying a roll from the street vendor to feed the birds with because, "All I got is a twenty-thousand dollar bill," he's rich. But if you don't spy any jewelry or money and his skin is yellow from head to toe, keep moving. You need to make this count. Your wife and six sons expect you to provide.
Happy Get Into Somebody's Will Day!