Monday, March 06, 2006

Have Sex With Boys Until Your Parents Aren't Divorced Anymore Day!

Your parents' divorce has hit you pretty hard, but you can't complain about it since it's clearly all your fault. You've tried to be a better daughter. You've made a point of not asking for money or new clothes or dinner. You've cleaned the house until it's so clearly immaculate your Dad will have no choice but to move back in. But no matter how long you stare out the window, his car just never pulls into the driveway.

None of your efforts have worked, so you decided the best way to heal the rift between your parents was to constantly have sex with boys. The plan is, every time you take off your clothes and lay down in the back seat of a car or behind the water heater in a basement rec room, it will make your parents love each other, and you, just a little bit more. Whether you want to have sex with the boy or not, giving the boy what he wants will hopefully be sacrifice enough to make up for not being a good daughter. Or maybe having sex with boys you don't like will be a good example for your parents. "See?" you'll say. "I hate this boy and yet he's inside of me. Now you try!"

Today, you're going to conceive your first child. The question is, do you abort quietly and continue to heal your parents' rift through casual and rampant teen sex, or do you have the baby so that your Mom and Dad will be brought together as grandparents? It's a tough one kiddo, but you're mature enough to make the right decision.

Happy Have Sex With Boys Until Your Parents Aren't Divorced Anymore Day!