Wednesday, April 02, 2003

What It's Gonna Take To Make It Back To Bed Day!

It's gonna take balls. And obedience. And kowtowing and ass-kissing and some compliments paid to people you loathe for choosing to wear an outfit only the severely retarded would choose to wear. When you notice the sign on the neighboring cubicle that reads "I believe in Jesus Christ," it's gonna take an iron-clad will and 20-20 tunnel vision on the end-goal to refrain from posting your own sign that reads, "She Believes In Jesus Christ" with an arrow pointed at her cubicle. You've gotta keep the image of a happy night's sleep floating just before your eyes so you don't punch anybody in the throat as they pass you in the hallway. That will send you to jail or will at least send you out of a job and the jobless don't sleep well. And don't go jumping into noone else's bed neither. Intimacy With Others = Trouble Down The Road, ya'll. Assuming you're going to eat dinner tonight, you've got around 7 hours before you're safe and sound under blankey-blankey so please please please try to not to say anything like "I quit" or "I'm going to follow my life-long dream and risk failure in order to die knowing that I at least gave it my all so I quit" or "I'm going to do the life-long dream thing in the previous sentence but not for the fear of dying unfulfilled but because one day I wanna have a son and I don't want my son to look up at me and think Dear God don't let me give up like that so I quit" or "Fuck you. Wait look me in the eye. Are you looking me in the eye?" Don't say that.

Just let it all go the way someone else planned it. You've been generously allotted at least one third of your life to spend in bed. That's not a bad deal. Now put a congenial smile on your face that tells your supervisor, "Thank you for letting me work here. I hope to do a good job today. I hope to make you happy with my performance." If things get hard, just start calculating how many hours of sleep you can get if you manage to be in bed by 7:30 tonight (probably twelve or twelve and a half if you wake up late tomorrow, right?).

Happy What It's Gonna Take To Make It Back To Bed Day!