Tuesday, April 08, 2003

College Boy Day!

Anyone who claims to know anything at all today is a snotty little College Boy and will be berated as such. This goes for the obvious, too-big-for-his-britches smarty-pants who interrupts conversations at seedy bars to offer correction on minor points. Any day of the week that punk's gonna hear someone tell him he's a college boy just before he hears the whisk of a punch to the jaw. But today, it's anyone who knows anything. This includes the guy who says, "Keep your baby covered with my overcoat and stay low to the ground to breathe as little smoke as possible. The fire stairs are this way. Move quick if you want to live." Sure, he knows how to escape to safety from the burning building, but whoever follows his lead should nonetheless respond, "Think you're so smart dontcha College Boy? Us small-town folk just too dumb to make it out the building on our own, that it College Boy?" Or, you could look down your naked torso and sneer "Guess you learned that at one of your fancy-schmancy anatomy classes out at that college of yours, eh College Boy?" after your husband has managed to locate your clitoris with his tongue. Or, if you are in college, and your college professor begins his lecture, get a chant going among your fellow students: "COLLEGE BOY! COLLEGE BOY! YOU SUCK! COLLEGE BOY!" Your professor will probably run out of the room crying like a pussy.

Happy College Boy Day!