Surgery Day!

Isn't today the day that guy you're seeing is going in for surgery?

It was to correct a floppy heart valve, right? That sounds like it's both a routine procedure and extremely risky at the same time. The kind of surgery where doctors qualify their reassurances with, "Of course, going into the heart is always pretty chancey." Which can be translated as, "You could live or you could die and I guess we're going to find out which, aren't we?"

But you kind of dig this guy don't you? It's only been two dates, so you have no clue what kind of a douchebag he might turn out to be. But based on the time you've spent together so far (18 hours, 7 of which were spent asleep) you'd be into finding out whether you two might have a shot at a long-termish kind of thing. Should he live to see tomorrow, of course.

I really wish I was you right now. I've known a handful of people who died, but my reaction was always pretty clear-cut. They were either relatives or friends whose deaths devastated me, or they were acquaintances distant enough that I learned of their deaths third hand, and while it weirded me out a bit, it didn't do much more than give me an excuse to think about my own death and make a list of who might give a shit.

But you, with this guy. If he dies, it might give you pause for a moment. You might call people up and tell them about it, just because it makes for a hell of a story. But it won't feel any worse than if you went on a date with someone who was leaving the country for a couple years. "Oh well, those are the breaks."

But you don't know whether or not he's going to "Leave the country." And you'd be into him sticking around. I've just never thought, "Boy, I hope So and So lives long enough for me to find out whether I'd give a shit if he or she dies." Does it make you want to inflate your feelings with some manufactured concern? And what if he pulls through? I wouldn't be surprised if he felt like he had a new lease on life and decided he didn't want to spend any more time with someone who wouldn't have missed a day of work if he died. And I wonder if you two aren't already jinxed. I mean, if you were to continue seeing each other and marry, you could both look back on a point in your relationship when one of you could have died without the other missing a beat. Is love supposed to start out that way? I don't know.