An Airborne Rabies That'll Turn Society Back A Million Years Day!
Today's the day that a mad scientist who has been trying to perfect a germ that turns gay people into statues is going to stumble upon and release an airborne rabies that will pervade most American cities within thirty six hours and will reduce over 100 million Americans to bloodthirsty savages - called "The Turned" - that can only see as far as their next feeding of raw flesh. In the more centralized areas of the midwest, small bands of mysteriously immune humans - called "The Relaxed" - will coagulate behind forts strong enough to keep the Turned from getting inside. The Relaxed will use reason to strategize how to "evolve" the Turned back to a civilized state. After a while, the Relaxed will give up and they'll all sail off the Atlantic coast in commercial oceanliners. And once they're really far out in the ocean they'll nuke America using a wireless nuclear war button.
Happy An Airborne Rabies That'll Turn Society Back A Million Years Day!