Saturday, March 08, 2003

Drunk In Seventeen Buildings Day!

This could take up about twenty minutes or a hell of a lot of drivetime depending on where you live. But by midnight tonight, you have to be drunk in seventeen distinct buildings. And we'll defer to your local government's zoning laws for the definition of "building."

There will be, however, a far more specific definition of "Drunk." We're not just talking about whether you'd fail a breathilizer or hit a woman. What you have to do is, if you're still sober, write down on a piece of paper the name of the one person that you and everyone who loves you hopes you don't make out with tonight. If you're not sober, bring someone who loves you in to read this and write the name down for you. When you think you're ready to determine whether you're drunk enough, take out that piece of paper and ask yourself if you would make out with that person at that moment. If your answer is "In a heartbeat" or "Too late, and can anyone help me move my stuff back into his/her apartment this Sunday?" then yes, you are drunk enough to begin walking in and out of buildings. Make sure you hit seventeen before going home to raise the curtain on your special little production of "Our Ruined Life Part Two: Now We're Just Lying To Ourselves."