Tuesday, March 18, 2003

Be A Coward Day!

It can get you some sugar. Por ejemplo, if you recently put an end to an extra-marital affair so as not to blow your marriage apart but now that spring's coming you think you'd like to have intercourse outside the house again, your first step will be to give that little homewrecker a call.

She'll say, "You're a coward. Too afraid to be an honorable man and break it off with your wife."

You'll say, "Yes, I am a coward. I'm a coward for endangering the well-being of my wife and child simply because I'm too afraid to risk letting you fall out of my life. I'm a coward for shuddering in terror anytime I imagine your touch falling upon the skin of another man. I'm a coward for throwing my arm up over my eyes when I look upon a future without your love."

Then you should ask her to have sex with you, because she will.

If you've never had an extra-marital affair and you have no desire to, you must be depressed. However, you can still be a coward. Just go find a convenience store that's being held up and walk in. When the gunman grabs the elderly shopowner in a headlock and holds the gun to his head, don't disarm him with a swift succession of super-karate kicks. Just run or lay down on the ground like you're told. The gunman might execute you if he's afraid to leave a living witness, in which case you will die and there's no afterlife btw.

Happy Be A Coward Day!