Monday, March 03, 2003

Some Of The Cats Day!

There's been a very clear division amongst the cats. Every time you come out of your bedroom, you find a good three quarters of them just breaking up a kind of semi-circular grouping underneath the kitchen table. The other cats, all of the older ones, just sort of look up from their naps when you come out. They look at the younger cats, then at you, then you swear you see them give their heads a slow mournful shake before returning to sleep.

Cats don't call meetings but for one reason. And you know what that reason is so you should go turn out the pilot lights in the oven and turn on the gas, then go back into your room and stuff the door frame with wet rags and wait to hear the soft quiet thumps as they all fall on their sides and die.

This is what you get for letting Lentil hang out in the hallway. Apparently some outdoor cat filled Lentil's head with talk of "Feline Ascendance" and "Shackles of Domesticity" and "How To Hover Over A Human's Mouth To Steal Her Breath When She's Asleep." Take them all out today. Kill them all now. Even the older ones. They're not innocent, they're just tired and they'd rather nap and wait for more food than use their dark talents to suck the breath of Jesus out of the shell of man.

Don't think. Take the little fuckers out right now.

Happy Some Of The Cats Day!