Somebody Call Ted Koppel Day!
So you got an erection. Congratulations. I'll call the mayor and tell him to close the schools for a three-day weekend.
No seriously, I'll come to bed just as soon as I finish this letter home. I hope the grandparents are sitting down when they read this. Then I can run to the store and buy some balloons and confetti. That's what, the fourth one since 9-11? Careful schoolboy, you might faint with all that blood rushing out of your head.
I bought a trumpet for this very occasion. Let me play you a fanfare, then perhaps I can make a plaster of paris mold of the throbbing beast, that cool with you?
Wait, lemme go get the kids.
Happy Somebody Call Ted Koppel Day!