Monday, June 27, 2005

Snake In The Sleeping Bag Day

Snake In The Sleeping Bag Day!

Tonight, when you slip inside your sleeping bag, you'll feel a snake slither up your leg. Your son will ask you what's wrong when he sees your face. Tell him there's a snake on you and that he shouldn't make any swift movements of the snake might bite.

"I'll go for help," he'll say.

Tell him, "Slowly."

Your son will take a good forty minutes to crawl from the tent and into the car. And then he'll shift into neutral and hold down the brake to let the car gently and almost imperceptibly roll down the hill. You'll watch through the flap for about ten minutes before you get bored.

While you wait for your son to return, you'll lay still and just barely breathe, hoping that the snake will slither up your body and out into the dirt to find another place on the mountain to sleep. After eleven hours, your son will come back alone.

"Couldn't you find anybody?" you'll whisper.

"I talked to the Park Ranger," your son will say. "He said that if I came back here with anybody, the snake might know that I'm up to something and bite you. So he told me to come back here and sit by you like I was doing so the snake doesn't get suspicious."

You'll nod just a touch. "Sounds right," you'll say. The snake will move a little bit on your thigh. He'll be just underneath your shorts then.

After thinking about it for a bit, you'll realize that your son must have put that snake in your sleeping bag because he's still upset that you won't get back together with his mom. You'll turn to your son to accuse him, but you won't be able to before he drops tarantulas all over your face.

Happy Snake In The Sleeping Bag Day!