Monday, June 13, 2005

Get Loved Day

Get Loved Day!

I know this is impossible, but by the end of tonight you have to have been loved. That doesn't mean you have to have been made love to or squished to death by a Love-Beast (Icelandic readers only), but your existence has to have inspired love in someone.

Your Mom counts. I know that doesn't help. Your Dad counts too, but I know that made you laugh really hard. Your pets, however, do not count. This is simply because it is the opinion of this website that your pets do not love you. Yes, we know what you believe as regards your pets and frankly, we're disgusted. Your pets are animals. You're just a fling to them.

Any human counts, excluding exes with whom you broke up over one year ago (just hanging on to whatever they think they had) and Grandmoms (loving you keeps her from howling into the dark silence of her Home late at night). But again, Moms count.

Here's the thing, if you aren't loved by midnight, some people will come for you. They'll take you to a place where people like you are put to use. IT'S NOT A ROCK QUARRY! That's a rumor. Suffice to say, you'll finally be able to serve your fellow man via the one resource you still have to offer, that being your ability to work.

Midnight tonight. I'd suggest, if by dinner you don’t see any eyes glinting in your direction, you run. You just run.

Happy Get Loved Day!